I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT

Well, my canned teachers (see previous post) arrived yesterday.  I've unwrapped the CDs, but I haven't listened to them yet. Truth is, I'm afraid to. I know it'll be devastating to my morale. I'm going to hear three stellar pianists take pieces that I've been struggling with for weeks and months and make them sound both beautiful and easy. I'm going to think, "I can't do this. Why bother? I wonder what's on TV."

This is a phenomenon we all have to face. One of my close friends, a writer, has observed how tough writing is for him given the existence of Shakespeare.  Even the great composer Johannes Brahms remarked how difficult it was for him to write a symphony "with him looking over my shoulder", and by "him" he meant Beethoven. Unless you're Bach or Shakespeare or Michelangelo -- or delusional -- there's always someone who can do whatever you're doing far better than you can. In my case, it's not just someone, it's countless thousands of someones. Sigh.

I have to step back and remind myself that, in contradiction to occasional flights of fancy, I'm not doing this to become an excellent pianist. Are you surprised to hear that, dear reader? I'm doing this for self development, and for the sheer joy of the music itself. I can fully reap those rewards only if I get out there and give it my all.

I think I'll take a day off from the keyboard today.